Forgiving is a tricky thing. Forgiving becomes even more difficult when you didn’t get an apology.
There are some folks in the world that really could not care less about you. They will stab you in the back, and throw you out like a used tissue. What hurts even more is that you thought they cared about you. The realization that they don’t, and probably never did, really hurts. So you get sad. And you probably sob for a solid hour. After that, you’re just angry. You want to lash out, make them hurt like they hurt you. Deep down, you know you should forgive them. You can’t help but wonder, why should I forgive when they never showed any repentance in the first place?
I choose to believe that the struggles we go through in life are preparing us to aid someone else in the future. When you connect all the dots, everything we do in life relates to our relationships with other people. Therefore, even our struggles have a link to helping others. You may meet someone years down the road who is drowning in the same problems you were forced to deal with. Maybe the purpose of your struggle was to teach you how to help that person. Maybe you are struggling with depression, or betrayal. Keep up the fight. You never know who will need you in the future.
Anger is a completely natural response. However, holding on to that anger will slowly kill you from the inside out. Trust me, I’ve been there. After being stabbed in the back so many times by people whom I thought were friends, I was so angry. I held on to that anger far longer than I should have, and it sent me spiraling into eating disorders and depression. Learning to let go, and forgive, saved me in the end. It pulled me out of that depression, and showed me that we don’t have to let the way people treat us define who we are as human beings. Yes, it’s okay to be angry, but don’t unpack and live there.
What goes around comes around. Trust me on this one. Did someone stab you in the back? Give it time.
Yeah, you get attached to people. Then, you can’t imagine your life without them. Soon thereafter, they ditch you like yesterday’s fashion trends, and you’re left there holding the smoldering ashes of your relationship. That sort of thing really hurts. But I am here to tell you that sometimes people just don’t come into your life to stay. I think, more often than not, they come into your life to teach you a lesson, or to teach you something about yourself. Maybe you needed to learn how to trust, or how to recover when that gets broken. Maybe you needed to learn how to be yourself. No matter how bad it hurts, just think of all the new things the experience has taught you.
Everything you are going through, is fortifying your character. Do you struggle with forgiving? Maybe this situation will make you more quick to forgive. Do you have difficulties with patience and understanding? Maybe this will give you understanding and increase your patience with others. Character must be developed over time, and the only way for that to happen is trial by fire. It can be an extremely painful process, but it is necessary nonetheless.
In summary, forgiving is hard. But you simply must keep in mind that these struggles are preparing you for the future. It is also crucial to remember that holding on to anger is only going to put you through more hurt in the end. People will eventually get what is coming to them in the end. People don’t always come into your life to stay forever. Most importantly, these struggles are improving your character. Trials can be difficult, but the pain and the struggle will eventually lead you to the light at the end of the tunnel. Forgiving is the first step to getting there.
Go forth and be forgiving!